god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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