I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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