About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
