well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
