Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
