lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
