lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
