yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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