so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
