My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
