i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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