i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
