I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
