you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
