Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
