good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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