Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
