i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
