u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
