I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
