I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize