toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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