And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
