wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
