This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
