So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
