Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
not ubering you a puppy
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