I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
