Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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