1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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