i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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