it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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