woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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