need another drink. this is the easiest way
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize