were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
