she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
