bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
