He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
