just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
