New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
