i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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