just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
