well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
