oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
