Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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