People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
