she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
