She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize