Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
