Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
