I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
