I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
