Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
