non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
