worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
