I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
