If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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