every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize