tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
