after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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