Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
