I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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