I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
