I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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