Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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