my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
