you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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