Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
