Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
