I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
