Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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