theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
