i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
