I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
