They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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