Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we should paint friendship bongs
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
