So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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