I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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