guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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