I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize