I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
