I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
