Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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