You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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