I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have fence marks all over my body
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
