I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize