you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
