he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
