Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
