Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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