as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
