is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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