it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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