I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize