We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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