Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
