is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
