i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
