Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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