Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
