I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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