WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
