you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
