i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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