Need sex. Gaining weight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
