I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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