Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
