i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
