It's Friday. Sex?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
