the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
