God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
