do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
