i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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