the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
