so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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