i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
