I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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