So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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